Are you tired of the dating scene? Sick of superficial interactions? Do you leave dates and singles events feeling more lonely and discouraged than ever?
You probably already know this. The dating scene doesn’t work. So don’t take it personally. You are set up to fail before you even show up.
When singles meet, they don’t really see each other, they talk but don’t feel heard, reach out but don’t feel connected. There is so much judging, assessing, impressing, withholding, deciding, wanting and needing going on that no one is really being with each other and there is little space left for authentic, joyful, intimate relating.
Does this sound familiar? Someone looks at you and you look at them and within two seconds you have already decided whether or not you are going to see each other again. You go through the motions of a flat, dishonest evening anyway, pretending you don’t notice or feel the obvious. It is so uncomfortable that you wonder afterward why the heck you bother venturing out at all – you’d have more fun at home in your bathrobe on the couch watching TV!
There are over 15 reasons why dating doesn’t work. I am listing six of them here:
- Your list of what you want in a partner prevents you from actually “being” with the people you meet, so relationship can’t develop.You have a relationship with your comparative list instead of a person. Also, checking each other out keeps you in your head and out of your heart where love lives.
- You are so busy trying to impress each other that authenticity goes out the window. Relationship can’t build when people are hiding, pretending, trying, etc. Relationship flows when people are honest and real.
- You think who you see on a date is who the other person really is. But it isn’t. So you miss out on who this person could be or might be. People are not rigid and fixed, but evolving and becoming.
- Wanting a relationship prevents you from having one, so unfortunately, the more you long for a relationship, the more relationship can’t show up. Wanting and having can’t exist in the same space.
- You show up to “see” how you “feel” about this person like a passive observer in a movie. You do not go out on dates with intentions or creation in mind so you get what you get instead of getting what you want.
- You define your relationship too quickly. You attempt to decide whether or not you are going to get married on the first, second or third date.
There are many other reasons why dating doesn’t work that unfortunately carry over into relationship, and contribute to the low success rate of long term partnerships as well.
Wayne Dyer said, “We don’t get what we want, we get who we are.”
If you aren’t getting the relationship you want, it is because of who you are being. And if you are like most people, you have NO IDEA what that means!
Shift who you are BEING and relationship can show up. EVERY TIME! How? Learn NEW ways to relate. Get help from people who know what it takes for you to create great relationships! Take relationship trainings. Read books. Get coaching support. You can’t get different results doing what you have always done.
Whatever your experience, know it doesn’t have to stay that way. You do not have to wait until you find a partner to feel love, intimate and happy. You can learn a whole new way to be in relationship with the people you meet that is rewarding, fulfilling, intimate and nourishing. Now.