Relationships

Win Your Love Back

Win Your Love BackI believe it’s human nature to want to be in love, and stay in love, it’s a wonderful place to be. Unfortunately, relationships evolve and change; sooner or later they end. But what if we do not want to accept the timing of the end a relationship? Is it possible to get love back? Well, it is possible as long as you don’t make these common mistakes along the way.

The first mistake people often make is being too aggressive in trying to get their partner back. If you are too actively pursuing them, at best, you will be considered a nag and at worst, almost like a stalker. So don’t chase them all around.

A person who is trying to get their ex too aggressively actually comes off looking a little sad. An element of desperation creeps in, dignity and respect for both yourself and your partner is easily lost. There is a fine line between being assertive and making your desires known and stepping across the line and being scary, or wimp who is begging.

Put a little space in the relationship. Try spending just a little less time together for a while and more time on your own. This can help you find your perspective on what may be going wrong in the relationship. When we are very involved with another person, we sometimes lose track of how we really feel. Time spent alone, for both of you, is a good way to discover where your responsibility lies in the relationship problems.

Communication is important in all relationships. If you are upset about something and you are not telling the other person, then you are putting distance between you. This is a prescription for a disaster in any relationship, particularly if you are angry or hurt and you lash out indirectly at the other person. So be honest. Chances are the other person will understand and may even ease your concerns.

We hope those tips may help you out.

Relationships

Guide To Meeting Married Women Looking For Married Men

It seems as though women looking for married men is becoming more popular than we could have ever imagined. The majority of married women often feel neglected by their husband and are therefore lonely. Recognizing a woman who is miserable in her relationship with her husband is the first step in finding a married woman to have an affair with.

There are a number of ways to find these types of women. In fact, a recent survey disclosed that 60% of women are unhappy in their marriage. Not only that, but most marriages these days end up in divorce. So how do you find them? Well, if you open your eyes wide enough. you will see plenty.

Everywhere you turn, there exist opportunity. More times than not, they are waiting for you to make a first move. Just say something witty and follow it up with conversation. Emotional bonding is very important for women before you get in their pants. Fill that void and that’s half the battle right there. Find them in your local grocery store or out walking their dogs is usually the easiest way.

Finding married women looking for affairs is certainly not difficult. As was mentioned before, they are often right under your nose. There are two ways of searching for married women looking for married men. The first is you can employ the strategy of going out into the world and finding them yourself. Such as at the grocery store, library, etc.

The next option is to find sites (usually underground) that have married women looking for married men or affairs. There are some sites that just absolutely stink and you will get nowhere at all. Most of the time the women are fake or they are plain ugly. If, however, you know where to look you can find sites that have thousands upon thousands of sexy women just waiting for you to contact them. Remember, these married women looking for affairs are trying to be fairly discreet because they don’t want to complicate things with their husband…they just want to have fun with a guy like you. If you can provide the excitement and fun that she is looking for then you have a great chance of earning her companionship. Just remember to respect her relationship with her husband, and give her the good time she is looking for. There are many underground sites online where you can find these women – if you look in the right places.

Relationships

For Men Looking For Married Women

The rate of hot women looking for men outside of their marriage is on the rise. When her hubby is never around or too busy to spend quality time in the bedroom she will seek other men to fulfill her needs..

Leaving a lonely married women home alone is good for us guys looking for a no strings attached sexual relationship. Even married women like to play the role of a bad girl from time to time. A lonely wife enjoys the idea of being wanted and the thrill of being sought after by men. Women looking for men are not looking for a steady boyfriend, they have a wonderful, providing husband at home. She loves her husband and family and doesn’t want to lose that part of her life, she just needs that other men to take care of her sexual needs.

That’s a great deal for us guys just looking for a sexual only relationship. Anyone can spot a married woman, but hot wives who are in need of an intimate partner are a little more difficult to find these days. They don’t frequent public places looking for men. She can’t take the risk of running into a friend or co-worker at the bar or being seen by someone browsing a free personals site. Local married women have to be very discreet her their search for a lover. Married women seeking affair use married personals to find men, married personals websites are discreet and usually charge a small fee to keep out prying eyes.

These websites are for hot women seeking men and men looking for lonely wives for sexual relationships with no strings attached. Mainly discreet intimate affairs. This way it narrows your search down to like minded people. These married personals are discreet and safe. It is a lot less time consuming using married personals than going out to a night club looking for some hot fun. Many sites are of this type are springing up all over the web, thousand are joining on a daily basis. The best feature of all is that you can search by zip code, and find local married women living close by you.

Relationships

Elements to a Great Relationship

We all have many ideas about what makes a great relationship. Fidelity is usually at the top of the must have list. No one I know wants to have a relationship with a cheating partner. Couples want to feel confident that their intimacy is personal. Jack cannot profess his undying love to Jane, if he’s romancing six others around town. On the flip side, Jane can’t give herself totally to Jack if she wants to give her attention to other guys. In my opinion, there are three fundamental characteristics of a great relationship. Honesty, expectation, and friendship are absolute necessities in unions that will thrive for a life time.

Every relationship needs and should promote honesty between one another. Honest people are not unfaithful, because they look squarely at what’s missing or lacking in the relationship. Honest people are honest regardless of how uncomfortable the situation and it’s just that simple. They tell the other party that certain needs are not being met or if they just want out of the commitment. A dishonest person creates excuses to over shadow their delinquent behavior. For example, Jane only cheats because her husband doesn’t pay enough attention to her. She won’t tell him about the affair because it would devastate him and the children. Yet, her marriage and children existed before the affair began. Preexisting circumstances cannot be used later as convenient excuses.

Couples must also be sure they share the same expectations to solidify a loving committed relationship. Barbara has been exclusively dating John, and fully hopes to marry him someday. John only wants to date Barbara for the foreseeable future. He thinks marriage only ruins a great relationship in the longterm. Barbara is aware of John’s feelings and hopes he will simply change his mind as time passes. Their expectations for the relationship are clearly mismatched. Even platonic friendships can’t survive without some identical expectations. Neither party wants to end the relationship because they genuinely love each other. Nonetheless their relationship will end badly, because of conflicting expectations.

Friendship is the cornerstone of every lasting relationship. Sex can diminish over time or as a result of emotional circumstances. A strong bond is required to sustain closeness during these moments. Pete adored everything about Laura during the first few months. As time passes, he notices they don’t seem to have very much in common. Pete no longer feels the same intense attraction to her that once burned inside of him. Lust alone is unsustainable because it unfortunately doesn’t last forever. Once initial attraction has faded couples must see the other’s flaws without the benefit of cloudy glasses.

Relationships must increase their capacity for honesty, have uniform expectations, and build a timeless friendship. Otherwise a once perfect union will ultimately collapse beneath the pressures of life.

Relationships

Married Couples Advice

More often than not, couples in a marriage will feel that they should not divulge the details of their marriage to other parties if they want it to succeed. On the contrary, it does help for you to have a third party looking in that knows a thing or two about giving advice for married couples. Such a party does not necessarily have to be in a successful marriage but it is important that they understand the mechanics of such a marriage. It may be somebody with a successful marriage, a site that specializes in giving advice or a relationship expert with enough notches under his belt. Below are some pointers that can be called great advice for married couples.

Always Discuss the Priorities in the Marriage

One of the main reasons that couples in a marriage drift apart is because of a misunderstanding in priorities. When couples get married, a lot of them assume that love will conquer all and that everything can work itself out on autopilot. This is a gross misunderstanding on their part. There are different priorities in a marriage and these always have to be looked at to make sure that you remain on the same path. These priorities can range anywhere from sex life to the financial details of a couple. It is important to have a clear line of communication between married partners that helps divulge what the priorities are. This will make sure none of the parties feels like their priorities are never considered when in reality the other partner actually thought you were both going after the same thing.

Always Identify Problems in the Marriage

Another big flaw in a majority of marriage couples is that they do not identify what their real problems are until it becomes too late. It is imperative for couples to discuss what problems they have if they are to fix the relationship. There can be no solutions in the marriage if nobody thinks there is a problem. It does not have to be complex at all. A simple conversation about what makes your partner uncomfortable can bring a lot of issues to light that can be resolved as quickly as they were discovered. For example, she may point out that the sex ends too quickly. All you have to do is add to your length of foreplay and the problem is resolved.

Always Set up Discovery Time

It is very true that the longer couples are together the more they know each other. One thing that a lot of people forget however is that both parties in the relationship are constantly growing. What one loved to do yesterday may no longer be as appealing in the present day. For this and many other reasons, it is important that you have a time set aside regularly for discovering each other. It may seem pointless when you consider that you spend so much time together already but this discovery time is very different. It is not the usual time together dropping off the kids at school or running errands. It is alone time between the two of you where you expand your boundaries.

Relationships

Great Ways For Married Couples

Remember when you first got married? You couldn’t keep your hands off each other. Every waking moment was another chance for you to get it on. But when you have been married for a while, things start to change. It is very common for the relationship to lose its fizzle. This is usually the case for all married couples. When you have lived with someone for a long period of time, you become comfortable and stop doing the things that you did when your relationship was still very new.

You stop doing the things that made your spouse feel special. Because of this, your relationship will lose its spark and things can start to go a little downhill. But don’t worry, I am going to share with you 5 really simple things you can do to rekindle the spark in your marriage and get things back to the way they use to be.

1. Send Your Spouse A Special Gift

Gifts aren’t just for the ladies, men love them too. By sending your husband or wife a special gift, it tells them you are thinking about them and it makes them feel extra special. And don’t worry, you don’t need to spend a ton of money on this gift. This is one of those instances where it really is the thought that counts. You can write out a simple note telling your spouse how much you love them and then send it to their job. Trust me, this will bring a smile to their face. When they get home they will want to kiss you all over and make sweet love.

2. Act Like Little Kids And Go To The Park

The park is a wonderful place for all couples to go. Its a place where you can just have fun. Jump on the swings and take a swing. Go down the slide or just sit on the merry go round and holds hands and talk. When you just let go and act like kids again, you create a fun atmosphere and it connects you in a special way. When you get home that fun will continue into the bedroom.

3. Go Outside And Play In The Water

This of course can only take place on a nice summer day. Go buy some water guns and go outside and play in the water. This piggybacks on tip number 2. Its all about creating an atmosphere of fun. Get each other soaking wet with water. This will reveal body parts and get you all excited. Of course this excitement will continue on into the bedroom for some hot lovemaking.

4. Give Your Spouse A Nice Massage

A massage is a very sensual act. It might start off innocent, but as you rub and caress your spouse, it can turn very naughty. So grab some massage oil and give your spouse the best massage ever. Tell your spouse to lay down on their stomach so you can rub them down. Then tell them to turn over and continue to rub them down. Trust me, things will start to rise and you will have a good time.

5. Take A Nice Long Walk

Long walks with your sweetie are very romantic. It gives you time to catch up on whats been going on with each other. Sometimes we get so busy with life that we forget to talk to each other. As you walk and hold hands with your spouse, you will feel a very strong emotional connection. 9 times out of 10 that connection will lead to some hot and heavy lovemaking once the kiddies are fast asleep.

Relationships

Reasons Why Dating Doesn’t Work For Singles

Are you tired of the dating scene? Sick of superficial interactions? Do you leave dates and singles events feeling more lonely and discouraged than ever?

You probably already know this. The dating scene doesn’t work. So don’t take it personally. You are set up to fail before you even show up.

When singles meet, they don’t really see each other, they talk but don’t feel heard, reach out but don’t feel connected. There is so much judging, assessing, impressing, withholding, deciding, wanting and needing going on that no one is really being with each other and there is little space left for authentic, joyful, intimate relating.

Does this sound familiar? Someone looks at you and you look at them and within two seconds you have already decided whether or not you are going to see each other again. You go through the motions of a flat, dishonest evening anyway, pretending you don’t notice or feel the obvious. It is so uncomfortable that you wonder afterward why the heck you bother venturing out at all – you’d have more fun at home in your bathrobe on the couch watching TV!

There are over 15 reasons why dating doesn’t work. I am listing six of them here:

  1. Your list of what you want in a partner prevents you from actually “being” with the people you meet, so relationship can’t develop.You have a relationship with your comparative list instead of a person. Also, checking each other out keeps you in your head and out of your heart where love lives.
  2. You are so busy trying to impress each other that authenticity goes out the window. Relationship can’t build when people are hiding, pretending, trying, etc. Relationship flows when people are honest and real.
  3. You think who you see on a date is who the other person really is. But it isn’t. So you miss out on who this person could be or might be. People are not rigid and fixed, but evolving and becoming.
  4. Wanting a relationship prevents you from having one, so unfortunately, the more you long for a relationship, the more relationship can’t show up. Wanting and having can’t exist in the same space.
  5. You show up to “see” how you “feel” about this person like a passive observer in a movie. You do not go out on dates with intentions or creation in mind so you get what you get instead of getting what you want.
  6. You define your relationship too quickly. You attempt to decide whether or not you are going to get married on the first, second or third date.

There are many other reasons why dating doesn’t work that unfortunately carry over into relationship, and contribute to the low success rate of long term partnerships as well.

Wayne Dyer said, “We don’t get what we want, we get who we are.”

If you aren’t getting the relationship you want, it is because of who you are being. And if you are like most people, you have NO IDEA what that means!

Shift who you are BEING and relationship can show up. EVERY TIME! How? Learn NEW ways to relate. Get help from people who know what it takes for you to create great relationships! Take relationship trainings. Read books. Get coaching support. You can’t get different results doing what you have always done.

Whatever your experience, know it doesn’t have to stay that way. You do not have to wait until you find a partner to feel love, intimate and happy. You can learn a whole new way to be in relationship with the people you meet that is rewarding, fulfilling, intimate and nourishing. Now.

Relationships

Ways For Singles to Celebrate Valentine Day

It is understood that Valentine Day can be a difficult holiday for singles. It is a reminder of ones singleness front and center. There is now a new theme that has been developed called “Singles Awareness Day” the acronym is SAD. This is unacceptable! Why should awesome, incredible, brilliant women have such negative feelings about what should be an awesome fun day!! Have singles forgotten what it was like to be in a relationship? How disappointed it was to be in a relationship who did not deliver on Valentine Day? All of the commercialization in the world did not clue your partner that chocolates and flowers were appropriate. Hence, make this day a disaster?

Allowing the advertising industry to determine ones emotions is out of the question and only YOU can stop that! There is too much hype made on Valentine Day and it time we put a stop to it. Valentine Day should be fun and only you should determine how it will be spent. Here are a few ideas to make 2010 a memorably day. These are fun and extremely positive things to do which will have you feeling great on February 15th.

Do an Act of Service:

  • Go visit a sick friend at home or in the hospital – bring them flowers, balloons make their day!
  • Go to a shelter or nursing home and bring a rose to all the single ladies

Show A Loved One You Care:

  • Take a God-son or God-daughter to the movies, give them chocolates and balloons
  • Spend the day with grand-parent bring them flowers listen to their love stories (they love to tell)
  • Spend the day with a parent bring them a card and flowers show them you care
  • Spend the day with a sibling/friend/parent that is having a tough time in their relationship
  • Remember someone that you love that has been good to you and bring them flowers

Spend Time With Single Friends:

  • Initiate a Valentine Day themed brunch or dinner with a few single friends
  • Go ice-skating or build a snowman, with a good friend or a sibling
  • Plan a day out with other single friends make it an odd number like 3 or 5
  • Get a few friends together pop in a DVD and come up with your favorite jokes
  • Have a girls pajama party – wine, cheese, and fun!!

Pamper You:

  • Spend the day at a Spa – get a facial, massage, body wax etc.
  • Change your hair color or hair style (something fun and untraditional)
  • Make your favorite dinner – get your favorite DVD – and enjoy time with you!
  • Take a nice warm candle light bubble bath -disconnect phones for no interruptions
  • Read your favorite book

Keep a Positive Attitude:

  • Always think positive – remembering that to everything there is a season – your day will come to be in a healthy positive relationship!
  • Design a health plan to keep yourself youthful and fun
  • Become the good, positive, healthy, fun person that you want to attract in your life

Keep in mind the art of attraction – become what you want to attract!

  • Remember Valentine Day is only 24 hours out of 8766 hours in a year – before you know it – it is over and would have gone through it without an instant of depression!

Make it count! Have an AWESOME and Fun Valentine Day!

Relationships

Looking For Singles

 

It is really amazing to see thousands of online singles from free single dating sites. It is easy and convenient to look for love on net in the last few years. Thousands of singles register at these free dating sites each day. So, there are thousands of new singles online every day. Looking for a short-term or long-term companion online is common in recent years. There are thousands of marriages in America and other countries that couples first met initially at these totally free dating websites. What is a free dating service? It is a service to help single people to find love and romance online without charging any money. Members who join these free dating sites never pay anything for using the service. Seeking free love on the Internet is great. That’s why thousands of online singles have found their partners.

Online dating service is different from other services. You need to do a little bit about creating your profile. It means you have to know how to use your computer a little, such as how to click, how to select a drop-down list box, how to type, and others. These basic elements about using computer will help you for creating a successful personal ad. You do not have to be a computer expert or a computer guru. You only need to know some basics of how to use the Internet. Free online dating service is a tool that provides the free service for online singles to find each other. There is no one there to register for you. You have to register your profile by yourself. The process to creating a nice personal ad is simple as 1, 2, and 3. It takes you to spend about 5 minutes on writing a profile.

After you have created a nice profile, then it is the time to view thousands of online singles like yourself. You will get an email telling whether your profile gets approved or not. After you get approved, then login to the site and start searching. You can view all local dating singles that live close to you for a few miles. Some free dating sites have a search criterion by zip code. You can enter your zip code if you live in America, you will see all online local singles that live just a few miles from you. After you have found some singles you like, then contact them all. The more single people you contact, the more chance you will get on reply. So, you should try to contact more singles as you can to increase your chance.

There are thousands of single men and single women online each day. Looking for online singles on the Internet is right there in front of your computer. Since we live on this modern century, looking for singles on net is simple. As you see, seeking an online relationship is easy and simple. At no cost, you will find a great companion at these totally free dating sites. What are you waiting for? Why not take an action now by joining these free online dating services to meet your dream mate today

Relationships

The Essence of Great Relationships

What does it mean in emotional terms to have Soul Love?

Have you stood on a lookout point somewhere in the world and been simply stunned by the view. You can’t touch it, change it, fix it, even taking a photo feels like it can’t capture the essence of it? You see that view, but what you feel is something completely different. Some people say, “I’ve been here before,” even though, in this lifetime they have not. There’s a memory – the memory is not always of the view, it’s a memory of the feeling, a familiarity.

This is Soul Love. A memory and when we feel it, we say, “yes, I have felt this before,” and we have.

There are moments that entrepreneurs don’t often speak about because they sound intangible and too personal to put words to, but every entrepreneur, in fact, every human being, has them. They are moments of arrival.

Moments such as those are like the alignment of the stars, but really, they are even more profound than that. They are the alignment of body, mind and spirit. A moment of deep personal recognition, a memory of something so deep and yet so intangible, we struggle to put a name to it. Inspired is close, Soul Love is closer, divine is yet again, a reach toward it. But it remains nameless. Maybe, just maybe, it is simply, truth.

Soul Love has no attachment, however, we want as much of it as we can get. People have done the most extraordinary things to get it, to keep hold of it and to celebrate it. We often marry the person we feel this feeling toward, but this is like buying the view, eventually the connection becomes evasive.

There are techniques to guarantee Soul Love connection does not fade like the view. For example, a period away from that view will potentially bring you back to it like a novice, once again stunned at the beauty, connected to the moment, mesmerised once more.

Meditation, done correctly can wipe the fog from our heart and allow this moment of connection to shine again.

Sexuality (Refer: The Currency of Sexual Energy – Yasin Sheryl de Jong. ISBN 9781921578663 www.bookpal.com.au)

Healing, the Eastern healer enters this zone of Soul Love inspiration in order to delve beneath the crust of the human condition.

Prayer, a deep gratitude can bring this connection back to the surface of life.

Poetry and music has been used for centuries to bypass the ego mind and tap the deeper recesses of the human Soul Love connections.

Guru’s and the touch of a divinely connected hand can bring this state of consciousness to an individual.

Travel into nature rekindles the inner child, the innocence of being new and awakens so many memories deep historic Soul Love memories.

Falling in Love cuts straight past the surface direct to the memory of Soul Love.

Dance can allow the mind to wander far enough off track for the worries and cares of life to be swept aside and for a deep body memory of Soul Love to emerge. Ecstasy.

The Quest

The quest for these Soul Love connections is the real motive of human existence. We forget this, and buy a car, hoping this will give us this moment, and sometimes it does, for a few seconds. We climb mountains hoping that, by the top, we reconnect to this precious memory. We build companies in order to free us to experience more Soul Love moments, but we forget, and the company becomes the mission.

Soul Love is the human mission. We want moments of it.

In a relationship we feel it, at least at first meeting, but it is hard to sustain. And then we walk down the street to get the milk and in the corner store we collide with another Soul Love moment.

That person and our person collide and now we are confused.

Should we be guilty? Should we do something, say something? In these moments of connection we feel our current relationship diminish, this moment is what we married for. We crave it in our deepest being and yet, we work, make families, build houses and farms and have lots of other things. We crave this Soul Love and when we are touched by it, we remember why we started something.

We started a business to feel that moment of divine inspiration that comes when a great idea manifests. We married because in those first moments of meeting our partner the Soul Love memory woke up. We remember and we so easily forget. We so easily lose contact with “why” we chose a certain path, and begin to focus on what to do to survive without Soul Love connections.

Lets ask ourselves this question. “What happens when we get into a relationship triggered by that Soul Love connection, but then lose contact with it? What do we do when we are at the checkout and find Soul Love connection with another person? Start a collection?

Forgetfulness

Soul love is perfect, we can feel it at a party, at the office or wherever, but it is not a motive. Soul-love is no reason to do anything. In fact, if you have to split up with a partner, all you do is return to Soul love for them, and there’s no attachment at all. This is both a  state of healing and one of connection.

Wanting something motivates us. Losing something hurts us. But Soul-love is a vacuum in which there is no motive. We don’t want anything, need anything, desire anything. So, the motive to marry someone is not because we have a Soul Love connection to them, because we can have a thousand, million, billion people we have Soul Love connection to.

We marry people because we have Soul Love connection to them AND because we have trust, admiration, appreciation and vision for the future with them.

In marriage we can often lose one or all of those important relationship ingredients, but we can never lose Soul Love for a person. And this is a really important awareness in relationship. Once you feel the connection, it lasts forever.

Sure, Soul Love can become fogged with stress, anger, and busy-ness, and sure, Soul Love is no penultimate reason to stay in a relationship where the other four ingredients are missing, but, if you are going to place one thing, between you are your partner as absolute and sacred, place Soul Love way above the rest.

To feel Soul Love for a person, male or female is a great connection and it has nothing to do with causing or killing romance.

Soul Love is by far the most important level of communion between two individuals. Without it, relationships are complex and emotionally unstable.

It is even more important to acknowledge this Soul Love connection when one or both people in a relationship are struggling with commitment. The ability to let a person spin and search their heart for appreciation, trust, admiration and hope for the future, that ability to stand in stillness without reaction can be found in the capacity to acknowledge a Soul Love connection to a partner that can never fade.

Sometimes we get scared. Sometimes we get jealous. Sometimes we even get resentful of our partner. These are not because of Soul Love connection but because of emotional attachments. They are a part of the struggle to be human in relationship, but they are not a reflection of the depth of your Soul Love.

Many people tell me that the more they love their partner the more jealous they become. This is inaccurate. The more we feel Soul Love for our partner, the more we can relax. They can come or go, leave or stay, it will not matter if your connection with them is based in Soul Love.

The Real Essence

Some people think that Soul Love is exclusive. That we have this experience with one person, and exclude all others. Others stay single just so they can have as many of these connections as life permits.

It is safe to say that we need and want Soul Love connections and irrespective of our moral or social judgements about it, we do have them with multiple people. So, there are only two important questions. How do we have as many of these moments with our partner instead of becoming “familiar with the view?” And the second question is, “What do we do when, while in a relationship, we have these connections with others?”

The first question is the most difficult. How do we sustain moments of Soul Love connection with someone we become familiar with on an everyday basis?

Conventional attempts to sustain these Soul Love moments with a partner include: gifts, holidays, babies, sex, romance, new homes, picnics, pornography, self help courses, tantra and theatre.

But even these, over an extended period can become like the view we own.

To understand how to have more Soul Love connection moments with a partner, it may be important to understand the mechanics of Soul Love experiences.

You are sitting at your desk, the Sun is shining in the sky, but you don’t look up and think, wow, there’s the Sun. You just enjoy the daylight and night light (moonlight is Sunlight). Sometimes you see the Sunrise or Sunset and you marvel at the Sun. So, Soul Love is Sunlight. It’s there 24/7 never missing. Without it we’d shrivel and become dust. However, we don’t always think about it.

Sometimes a person triggers our memory that Soul Love is really there, and like a Sunset or Sunrise, we feel great at that incredible recollection.

The key to enjoying the Sunrise and the Sunset, remembering the great beauty of the Sun, is that it makes us take notice. In that warm early morning or late evening glow, we just put down tools for a few seconds and turn up right in the moment.

Driving a car, it’s hard to admire the Sunrise or Sunset. We’ve got our mind on the job of keeping safe, so, we might go wow for a nano second and then get back to driving.

Soul Love moments can happen fifty times a day, but if we’re “driving the car” – too busy to notice, we’ll slide right past in a blink. Gone.

In relationship, we’re driving a car. We’re romancing, dancing, prancing, freelancing. We’re eating, showering, talking, thinking, emoting, wishing, wanting, not wanting, hoping, caring, not caring, worrying, giving, taking, sexing, pleasing and more… So, that takes a lot of head-space.

So, the Sun is there, Soul Love is there, but we’ve got so much going on in our tiny head that we just blink and keep focussed on “bringing up the kids” or “paying the bills.” We blink, and the Sun is out of mind.

We recognise the loss. Something seems wrong. We’re in a relationship, doing relationship, being invested in good relationship, trying to please, making the effort, but we know something isn’t right. And what is not right is that in amongst all the pleasure seeking, love making, family caring, life creating, home building, and health preserving activities, we lost contact.

Imagine a space shuttle losing contact with earth. Imagine a kite without a string. Imagine a ship without a compass. Imagine a story without an ending. Imagine anything without an intent. It’s impossible to imagine that such things would be good. And it’s impossible to imagine a relationship without Soul Love at its core.

But that’s what happens. That’s one reason why couples have affairs, why lovers exist, why people become disenchanted with life and most often throw themselves into their work, trying to avoid the tedium of a relationship without the Sun.

I have lived that life. I have experienced that life just like millions of other people throughout the world. I caused it, I suffered in it, I searched for options and tried all sorts of bandages to repair it. But none work.

If the connection is blocked, the contact with mother earth is lost and with that, everything becomes mundane. I tried all the substitutes: Food, alcohol, substances, greed, sex, spirituality – none work. None replace the incredible life giving, health creating, heart opening experience of Soul Love connection.

In that time I was limited by two vital things. The first was that the only experience I could have of Soul Love connection was with a woman. I couldn’t find it, or more likely, didn’t recognise it, anywhere else. That was a real dependency on my relationship and when it faded, a real vulnerability with other women.

The second limitation I had was that, I confused wanting that Soul Love connection with my partner with romance, intimacy, relationship and responsibility. Everything else in my entrepreneurial life was achieved by wanting it bad enough. I wanted success, I just really motivated myself. I wanted family and wealth I just motivated myself. Life, in my model, was up for grabs. So, when it came to Soul Love, I just applied the same head-space. Foolish thinking…

Soul-utions

The Sun doesn’t reach out and say, “hey, please take my rays” just like Soul Love doesn’t reach out and grab someone by the throat and say, “Love me.” If we’re in a messed up space, filled up with worries, wants, desires, needs, fears, ambitions, expectations, drama, emotion, stress, anxiety, motivation, and loneliness, we block the Sun. Soul love doesn’t come to us, it comes from us.

We get into relationship feeling that Soul Love connection and the first thing most of us do is stuff it up by letting all our “relationship baggage” come it and plug the pipe, block the Sun, close the portal.

Then we start to fuss and talk and complain and worry. “Oh, hell, here I am again. In another loveless relationship. More hassles, less joy.”

The single greatest discovery you can have for relationship, and one that will really transform your dynamic with your partner is the realisation that the feeling of love you are wanting to get from your partner is actually coming from you, not to you.

If I take you into nature, Up into the Himalayas for example, you’ll love everyone and feel like everyone loves you. Suddenly you feel loved and loving. Weird? No, because out in nature, when your expectations drop away and all the “relationship baggage” falls off, you suddenly feel it. You feel Soul Love connection going on, without anyone to connect it to.

Suddenly you discover that it’s not your partner that is the cause of Soul Love connection, it’s you. You also discover that you can’t give people Soul Love connection, you can only share it.

My partner says, “let me in” and I say, “Piss off. Nobody comes in here.”

I used to let people come into my being just as if I’d created a beautiful garden and anybody could trample around, borrow the flowers, pick the fruit and stomp the grass. That was how needy and out of balance I was. Now, it’s different. I preserve this Soul Love experience inside myself and I know, what’s meant to be shared comes out.

I look at it like this. Fill a cup half full and then share it. As you do, you get less, someone gets more. You give some and lose some. So, that to me is like focussing on getting Soul Love connection. Instead of that head-space, I now fill the cup to the top and let it overflow, what comes over the top is absolutely unconditional. It’s my job to go inside and keep that connection, not someone else’s.

That’s a big shift. It means instead of having one Soul Love connection in my life I have thousands. Instead of it being limited to women, it’s available with all humanity. Instead of it being a freak accident, I can choose it anytime.

If you want your relationship to stay anchored in Soul Love you need to make sure your cup is full – and more. The way to do this is to stay focussed on the four virtues of high emotions: kindness, generosity, compassion and appreciation. That keeps your energy circulating, then, last but not least, learn how to really turn up.

How quickly that Soul Love connection disappears from view has a lot to do with how much stress I am having in my life. The more stressed I am, the faster the connection becomes vague.

We have to learn how to stop the rush and deal with the “relationship baggage” in order to stay connected.

Learn to sit in silence, turn the TV off, turn the silence on, and fall back into Soul-Love. Remind yourself everyday that Soul-love never dies, it just gets covered by stuff, old stuff, new stuff and ambitious stuff.

“All human evil comes from a single cause, man’s inability to sit still in a room. And, all men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone”. – Blaise Pascal

The idea of stopping, breathing, smelling, tasting love had never occurred to me. I’d measured my love in pleasure’s and shouts and ecstasy, this was all new.

Exercises in Soul-Love Connection

Step 1.

Take a rose and sit it in front of you. Try to relax your posture and keep your spine quite straight. Look at the rose. Observe it. Observe it with your eyes. Now observe it with your ears. Listen. Now observe it with your nose, smell. Now touch it with your fingers or draw it up next to your skin.

Here, there is still a rose, and there is still a you. The rose is there, you are there.

This is normal life, everything is individualised. Separate. Hold the rose in front of you, or place it on a table in front of you.

Continue the exercise.

Step 2.

With the rose in front of you extend the exercise to a mastery level by losing the separation between yourself and this rose. This is the culmination of years in Zen practice but you are a modern person with an incredibly developed and evolved mind, so it will not take you much time at all if you can follow these instructions.

Each individual aspect of that rose has to become absorbed into you. First the visual interpretation has to vanish. We do this by simply identifying all the aspects of the rose within ourselves. Say, for example: where are you delicate? Where are you perfectly shaped? This is a Zen practice of elimination of separation, detachment. So, then proceed to all the other aspects of the rose until you find that what the rose is, you are. As you progress without interruption the separation between you and the rose will, I assure you, vanish.

Then you will not see, hear, taste, touch, smell the rose. It will not exist in a form separate from you.

If this does not work for you after five attempts on five different days with a fresh flower on each day, change the rose to something else that is impeccably beautiful to you. Even a vista can be caused to become merged with the self.

Step 3.

Sit with your partner in front of you. Look for their real essence and beauty. Look with your heart, ears, nose, mouth and hands. Don’t be afraid to touch and feel the beauty. Breathe the beauty in with each breath and let it move you. To really fall into Soul-love you will need to practice this exercise until you merge with your partner. Merge until there is no separation. You will eventually bridge the gap between what you see and who you are, and in other words, dismantle your ego.

At first it takes time. Just look, feel and become in rhythm with your partner’s breathing. Make sure you’ve cleaned your teeth and freshened your breath before this exercise. I tried it once with a person with bad breath and it’s very distracting.

Eventually you will do this is seconds instead of hours. It’s natural. As long as your mind doesn’t intervene and say, “Hey, this is a person over there, is the technique working.”

The most important thing to remember is that this person is just like the rose. You were not seducing the rose, trying to make the rose smile at you. You were no staring into the rose trying to look into it’s eyes and make it feel horny. You were becoming the rose. Remember this at all times.

Soul-Love happens when we forget the separation between ourselves and what we experience outside ourselves. So, the great memory that is triggered in a Soul-Love experience is the memory of our connection to life, the universe and all that goes with it.

This is Soul Love and it is not the reason for relationship but it is the cause of the grounding that makes relationship possible and desirable.

If you have struggled to remain committed to a relationship, or you’ve had a great relationship that finished and can’t seem to reconnect with that essence, then look carefully at your practices surrounding Soul-Love.

Soul-Love does not come to you, it comes from you. If your “relationship baggage” seems to quickly flood the potential of a good connection with someone, then it’s a high likely hood that you’ve got some unfinished business with the past or present that’s blocking your connections.

Everybody connects, the only question is whether the noise in their life is making it harder to feel.

If you are in a relationship and have lost this connection don’t blame your partner, it has nothing to do with them. It is because you have blocked the Sun through distraction or diligence to your professional life.

Remembering that Soul Love is the essence of relationship but not the motivation for it, the whole key to authenticity and comfort in a relationship, and the real choice to work through the challenges that come will be built around this core of Soul-Love. It can’t be emphasised enough how much this connection can transform even a damaged relationship let alone, inspire a healthy one.

Relationships

Tips To Getting The Love You Want

I speak from experience when I say I know how hard it is out in the dating world, especially for singles over the age of 40. I didn’t find the man of my dreams until I was 40. It wasn’t until I figured out that I had to get rid of my fear of never meeting anyone and follow these 5 tips that I finally met that perfect man (for me).

1. Put Yourself First: Remember why you are dating. The goal is not to “get a man”; it’s to give and experience love. If you want deeply to be with a man who does not value you, who does not treat you well, or who does not bring out the best in you as a person, then you might need to consider why you value him more than yourself. You matter. How he makes you feel matters. Whether you feel loved matters. What you think of him matters. Putting yourself first means that you never jump into a relationship with a man that isn’t right for you just so that you can avoid feeling lonely. Don’t try so hard to get a man that you lose yourself in the process.

2. Let Life Happen: Let life unfold as it was meant to. You may believe that you know what’s best for you (and what’s best for him), but in reality none of us know the greater plan that life has in store for us. Having faith that everything is happening as it was meant to-even if we don’t understand why-can help us accept and be at peace when a relationship breaks up, or when we don’t get the guy we wanted.

3. Live Now: Stop worrying about tomorrow. In order to successfully navigate the dating world, you must learn to take pleasure in the moment. All too often, I hear women say, “I wish I would have enjoyed being with him more while we were still together”. If you can’t enjoy the time you have with someone because you’re too focused on whether or not he’s going to propose, then you’re ripping yourself off. You can’t love someone when they are gone, so make sure you focus on giving him the love you feel RIGHT NOW. Don’t let an opportunity go by to show him how much you appreciate having him in your life.

4. Smile: Meeting a stranger’s eyes with a smile upon your lips is perhaps the single most important thing you can do to meet more men. Everyone loves a smile. A smile shows the world that you’re happy, friendly, and at peace with yourself. The most beautiful women in the world smile with their whole face. Who cares about laugh lines? Joy is irresistibly attractive.

5. See Opportunities Everywhere: If you believe that your world is full of opportunities to meet great men, I can promise you that you’ll meet fantastic men in the most random places. But if you have any doubts…if you believe that the men in your town aren’t good enough for whatever reason, or if you believe that you’re not pretty enough to get a man…you’ll find it hard to meet men. As long as you keep the possibility open that you will run into a fantastic man tomorrow, you’ll be on the lookout for great men walking past, or eating lunch next to you. You will be more likely to strike up a conversation with a stranger, knowing that there’s a possibility that he could be your dream man.